Popular Lullaby Lyrics

Are wide eyes still staring up at you from the crib night after night? Pair a few popular lullaby lyrics with the soothing tone of your voice, and your little one will soon be out like a light.

"Rock-a-Bye Baby"

Performed by Super Sunshine Kids

Source: YouTube

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop.
When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall.
And down will come baby,
Cradle and all.

Baby is drowsing,
Cozy and fair.
Mother sits near,
In her rocking chair.
Forward and back,
The cradle she swings.
And though baby sleeps,
He hears what she sings.

Rock-a-bye baby,
Do not you fear.
Never mind baby,
Mother is near.
Wee little fingers,
Eyes are shut tight.
Now sound asleep,
Until morning light.


Listen to this lullaby!

"Baby Mine"

Performed by Bette Midler

Source: AZ Lyrics

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head, close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one, when you play,
Pay no heed, what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew all about you,
They'd end up loving you too.
All those same people who scold you,
What they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows.
But, you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.


Listen to this lullaby!

"Are You Sleeping?" (Frère Jacques)

Performed by: The Wiggles

Source: Heavenly Harpist

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning bells are ringing, Morning bells are ringing,
Ding Ding Dong, Ding Ding Dong.

[French]
Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques,
Dormez vous? Dormez vous?
Sonnez les matines, Sonnez les matines
Ding Ding Dong, Ding Ding Dong


Listen to this lullaby!

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

Performed by Judy Garland

Source: AZ Lyrics

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far,
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh, why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly,
Beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?


Listen to this lullaby!


source: http://www.parenting.com/baby/sleep/popular-lullaby-lyrics?page=6

Popular Lullaby Lyrics

Are wide eyes still staring up at you from the crib night after night? Pair a few popular lullaby lyrics with the soothing tone of your voice, and your little one will soon be out like a light.

"Brahms Lullaby"

Performed by Jewel

Source: Metro Lyrics

Lullaby, and good night, in the skies stars are bright.
May the moon's silvery beams bring you sweet dreams.
Close your eyes now and rest, may these hours be blessed.
'Til the sky's bright with dawn, when you wake with a yawn.

Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight.
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

Sleepyhead, close your eyes, for I'm right beside you.
Guardian angels are near, so sleep without fear.
Lullaby, and good night, with roses bedight.
Lilies o'er head, lay thee down in thy bed.

Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight.
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

Lullaby, and sleep tight, my darling sleeping.
On sheets white as cream, with a head full of dreams.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I'm right beside you.
Lay thee down now and rest, may your slumber be blessed.

Go to sleep, little one, think of puppies and kittens.
Go to sleep, little one, think of butterflies in spring.
Go to sleep, little one, think of sunny bright mornings.
Hush, darling one, sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night.


Listen to this lullaby!

"Hush, Little Baby"

Performed by Kiboomu Kids Songs

Source: Bus Songs

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat.

And if that billy goat don't pull,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull.

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Papa's/Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark.
Papa's/Mama's gonna to buy you and horse and cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down,
Well, you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Listen to this lullaby!

"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"

Performed by TinyGrads

Source: AZ lyrics

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

Then the traveler in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark;
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

In the dark blue sky you keep,
While you thro' my window peep,
And you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

How I wonder what you are!

Listen to this lullaby!



source: http://www.parenting.com/baby/sleep/popular-lullaby-lyrics?page=2

Toddler Night Terrors

Night terrors are mysterious, unexplainable disturbances that take place when your child is in a deep but dreamless sleep. You will know he is experiencing them if he suddenly begins to whimper, cry, flail or bolt out of his bed. There may be a chance that his eyes will be open and he will look awake, but during this state, he is actually still unconscious and unaware of what is going on around him.

These toddler night terrors are not very common and only occur in about 3-6% of all children. Although some may also have them in as early as 18 months after birth, most of them start experiencing these disturbances at around 4 or 5 years old.

Is It Night Terrors or Nightmares?

Although it may seem like “night terrors” is just another term for nightmares, the two are actually two different things. Nightmares occur during the rapid eye movement or REM phase of sleep, which is also when dreams take place. If your child has a nightmare, chances are he will remember what exactly it was about and why it scared him. Of course, until he learns to talk, he will not be able to communicate what exactly he is afraid of.

Night terrors, on the other hand, happen outside of REM sleep. Your child may experience these when he transitions through his sleep phases, and they may last for as long as several minutes. Because non-REM sleep is the deep stage of sleep, your child will be unaware of what is going on and will not recall any images or sensations the following morning.

What Are the Causes and Symptoms of Night Terrors in Toddlers?

1. Causes

Your child’s night terrors may be caused by a number and combination of different factors, which include:

• fever
• stressful life events
• lack of adequate sleep
• anesthesia administered for a recent surgery
• any medicines that may have an effect on the brain and central nervous system

2. Symptoms

Night terrors are most common in children of the preschool age. You will observe that they usually occur during the deepest part of your child’s sleep, normally sometime near the beginning and early on in the night. You can tell that your child is going through an episode if he exhibits one or any combination of the following symptoms:

• uncontrollable crying
• thrashing, screaming or kicking
• a dazed or glassy-eyed expression
• struggling and refusing to be held
• shaking, sweating and quick breathing
• failure to recognize you or any familiar face

Long episodes of night terror can persist for up to 45 minutes, although most of them do not last nearly as long. It is also likely that your child will fall right back into a peaceful sleep and will not remember anything the morning after.

How to Deal With Toddler Night Terrors

Unfortunately, there is no proven method right now for minimizing or getting rid of night terrors. Because your child will not be aware of your presence and may have a tendency to thrash about, any efforts you put into comforting your child will most likely be wasted. The best thing to do whenever he experiences night terrors is to make sure he is safe and will not be exposed to any harm. It is also advisable to inform your family or anyone else who might be caring for your child that his episodes are normal and are not a cause for alarm.

Additionally, the following precautions may also help you ensure that your child remains unharmed throughout his episodes:

• Remove any objects or sounds that may disturb his sleep.
• Dim the lights in his room and speak to him in soft, soothing tones.
• Regulate his sleeping cycle, so he sleeps and wakes up at the same time every day.

Whatever you do, do not try to shake him awake or restrain him, as this will only complicate things and cause him to behave more wildly. If you notice that even his daily activities are being affected by his troubles at night, you can try administering tricyclic antidepressants as temporary medication with the approval of his doctor.

source: http://www.newkidscenter.com/Toddler-Night-Terrors.html

How Much Sleep Does a Child Need?

How Much Sleep Does a Child Need?There is no set number of hours of sleep that children will require at a particular age. However, there is a general guide for the number of hours you should aim for. It is very important that your child get quality sleep and an adequate amount of rest. 

Children that do not get enough sleep can display extreme behavior and become hyperactive or disagreeable. This article shows the amount of sleeping time needed for kids of different ages and tips for your baby to sleep better.

How Much Sleep Does a Child Need?

Sleep Time for 1-4 Weeks Old

Children this young will typically sleep between 15-18 hours a day, but they will usually only sleep for 2-4 hours at a time. Those that are colicky tend to sheep for shorter periods of time while premature babies will often sleep longer. Newborns have not yet developed their circadian rhythm, the internal biological clock which regulates our day and night cycles, so they tend to lack a pattern in the way they sleep.

Sleep Time for 1-4 Months Old

Children at this age require around 14-15 hours of sleep daily. By the time your child is six weeks old they will likely begin to settle into more regular sleep patterns. They may begin to sleep for as long as six hours at a time and tend to settle down more regularly in the evening. This should begin to correct the day/night confusion.

Sleep Time for 4-12 Months Old

It is ideal for children at this age to sleep up to 15 hours a day but most only get around 12. It is important to establish healthy sleep habits at this time to encourage the child’s sleep and social patterns to be more like those of adults. Babies will often start out having three naps a day and then move to two around 6 months as they become more able to sleep through the night. Encouraging regular naps will help the circadian rhythm to mature properly.

Sleep Time for 1-3 Years Old

As your child moves through the 18-21 month phase they will likely start taking only one nap a day, but toddlers still require up to 14 hours of sleep per day. Most toddlers will actually get around 10 hours of sleep. Children from 21-36 months will usually still require a nap, which can be one to three hours long. They should be encouraged to sleep from around 7-9 pm to 6-8 am.

Sleep Time for 3-6 Years Old 

Children in this age range will usually go to sleep around the same time they did when they were younger. At the younger ages in this phase children will still take a nap each day, but many stop this practice around age 5. Those that do take naps will likely start taking shorter periods of rest each day. Children should get around 10-12 hours of sleep each day at this age range.

Sleep Time for  7-12 Years Old 

Social activities at school or with friends and family will generally dictate bedtimes at this age. Most 12-year-olds will go to bed around 9, but bedtimes can vary greatly. The amount of time your child sleeps at this age will also vary. Children at this age should be encouraged to get 10-11 hours of sleep each night, but most get around 9 hours of sleep.

Sleep Time for 12-18 Years Old 

Teenagers require sleep in order to be healthy and maintain an optimum state of well-being. Teenagers are developing so they may actually require more sleep than previous stages. They should be encouraged to get at least 8-9 hours of sleep per day. However, social pressure may encourage your child to stay up later.

Tips for Better Sleep for Children at Different Ages

1. For Newborns

image002At this age sleep can occur at any time which will be interchanged with the need to be fed or their diaper changed. Some children will fuss when they are tired while others will fall asleep rather quickly. Learn your child’s sleep patterns and signs of fatigue and work to place your child in their crib when they are sleepy, but not asleep. Keep them on their back and keep soft items away from their face for safety. Encourage nighttime sleep whenever possible.

2. For Infants

image003Many infants will start to sleep through the night while taking 1-4 naps a day. It is important at this stage to encourage children to be self-soothers so they can fall asleep easily on their own. Develop a regular daytime and bedtime schedule and create a bedtime routine that will soothe your child. Work to create a comfortable sleep environment for your child and encourage your child to fall asleep on their own without stimulation from an adult.

3. For Toddlers

image004Toddlers will start to see a decrease in the number and length of naptimes. At this age nightmares and sleep problems can become more common which can lead to daytime sleepiness or behavior problems. Work to keep bed rituals and bedtime consistent and keep their room in the same condition each night. Set consistent limits that are communicated clearly if your child is constantly waking or getting out of bed. Encourage the use of a comfort object in anxious children.

4. For Preschoolers

image005At this age children may have difficulty falling asleep and wake often at night. Nighttime fears may also become more common as the imagination develops. Work to keep their nighttime routine relaxing and keep the sleep schedule as consistent as possible. Work to keep the child sleeping in a cool, quiet and dark environment for maximum comfort.

5. For School-Aged Children

image006There is an increasing demand on your child which can limit their time for sleep, but it is still an important part of their development. Exposure to stimulants like the internet or caffeine may also limit your child’s ability to get rest. Teach your children about healthy sleep habits and continue to work to keep your child’s bedtime routine and environment consistent. Encourage your child’s room to be a place of rest keeping it dark, cool and quiet. Avoid stimulants like caffeine, TV or computers around bedtime or in your child’s room.


source:  http://www.newkidscenter.com/How-Much-Sleep-Does-A-Child-Need.html

How to Avoid the Biggest Loser Phenomenon

The big story in nutrition last week was the publication of the so-called “Biggest Loser” study, described in detail in a New York Times article that about 300 of you forwarded to me for my comment. The study tracked the progress of 14 contestants on the Biggest Loser reality show, each of whom lost a massive amount of weight over the course of several months on the show.

Six years later, all but one of the contestants has regained a significant amount of weight. Four are now heavier than before the show began. However, as the study demonstrated, this was not simply a failure of will power. It was in large part due to the fact that the contestants' metabolisms are now dramatically slower than they were before they lost the weight. Even when they stick to the number of calories that “should” allow them to maintain a lower weight, they gain weight anyway.

As I read the article, I had a strong sense of deja-vu. This is essentially the same finding that different researchers published in the New England Journal of Medicine five years ago, which also led to a New York Times article, which was also forwarded to me by about 300 listeners. What I wrote in response back then applies equally to this latest study: This research really shows is that dieting is counter-productive—and that extreme dieting is extremely counter-productive. 

Dieting is counter-productive—and extreme dieting is extremely counter-productive.

As the Biggest Loser contestants have learned the hard way, when you lose a lot of weight in a short period of time, it can do serious and lasting damage to your metabolism. And although the composition of your diet (that is, how much protein, fat, and carbohydrate you eat) can also affect your metabolic rate, those relatively modest effects are dwarfed by the impact of rapid weight loss on metabolism.

But this doesn’t mean that there is no hope for those who want or need to lose weight. I have 4 tips for minimizing the so-called “metabolic compensation” to weight loss. To my knowledge none of these have been tested in any sort of serious controlled research. (Hello? Researchers?) But given our current understanding, the following strategies may help prevent the worst of the damage and may even help restore metabolisms that have already damaged by rapid weight loss.

How to Avoid the Biggest Loser Syndrome

1. Lose weight slowly.

I know this isn’t going to be popular advice because most people want to lose weight as quickly as possible. But as this latest study reminds us, rapid weight loss creates long-term hormonal and metabolic changes in your body that make it extremely difficult for you to maintain that hard-won weight loss.

The approach I outline in my episode How to Lose Weight without Dieting is my best advice on how to permanently lower your body weight. It’s what my friend Frank recently described as my “See Your Future; Be Your Future” approach. It may be in fact be the slowest "diet" you’ve ever been on, but it’s sustainable.

One reason it’s sustainable is that slow weight loss is less likely to trigger the sort of catastrophic metabolic collapse that we see in the Biggest Losers. The other reason is that this approach focuses on permanent shifts in behaviors and habits rather than short term dieting tricks.

2. Rethink your goal.

If you are very overweight, your “ideal” weight might be higher than the “ideal” weight for someone who has never been overweight. Remember that losing even a modest amount of weight—say, 5 to 10% of your body weight—can deliver enormous benefits in terms of improving your health and reducing your disease risks, even if you remain significantly overweight.

Losing a small amount of weight and keeping it off will do far more good (and far less metabolic damage) than losing a large amount and gaining it back.

3. Consider calorie cycling.

I talked about this approach, in which you alternate between higher and lower calorie days, in my episode on How to break a weight loss plateau. I think it also has the potential to prevent or even help restore a damaged metabolism. There are pros and cons to this approach that you’ll want to consider. See also: Calorie Cycling for Weight Loss

4. Try weight loss intervals.

I’m sure you’ve heard about interval training—especially if you listen to my colleague Get-Fit Guy.  It’s one of the most effective ways to exercise and it involves alternating short bursts of intense effort with longer “recovery” intervals. I’d like to propose something similar: Weight loss intervals. 

Let’s say you have 40 pounds to lose. Instead of trying to lose all 40 pounds in a single sustained effort, try losing just 5. Then, give yourself a one-month recovery interval, where you focus simply on maintaining your new lower weight. Then, start your next weight loss interval. Yes, this will take a bit longer than other methods. 

In my episode on Weight Loss Myths, I described an experiment in which dieters who practiced weight maintenance strategies before starting their weight loss program were far more successful in keeping the weight off.  One thing I like about the concept of weight loss intervals is that it gives you lots of practice at weight maintenance…something that is so often missing from our weight loss strategies.   With any luck, it’ll also keep your metabolism from freaking out.


source:  http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/weight-loss/how-to-avoid-the-biggest-loser-phenomenon

Birth Control Pills: Frequently Asked Questions

Are there different kinds of birth control pills?

Yes. There are many different kinds of birth control pills (there are different doses of hormones in different hormonal pills). You will be asked questions about your medical history and also about your health insurance and if you have a co-pay (cost your health insurance doesn’t cover) for different pills. Your health care provider may prescribe a progestin-only pill (if there’s a medical reason why you shouldn’t take estrogen).

 If you don’t have any medical problems that would put you at risk for medical complications, your health care provider will decide which birth control pill is the best one for your first prescription.

What if I’m not happy with the birth control pill that I’m taking?

If you’re not happy with the birth control pill that you are taking and the effects they have on you, talk to your health care provider. Don’t just give up and stop taking them. Your provider can give you a prescription for a different type of pill. There are many types, and they affect people differently. Some you’ll like, and some you won’t. You may have to try a few different types before you find the one that works best for you. There are also lots of other methods to prevent pregnancy, so you can talk to your doctor about other options.

How long can I be on birth control pills?

It’s safe for you to be on the Pill for years, whether you are on the Pill to regulate your menstrual cycle, to treat your cramps, to protect against pregnancy, or for hormone replacement.

Do I need to use other forms of contraception with the Pill?

Birth control pills don’t protect a woman from getting sexually transmitted infections. It’s very important to use condoms when having sexual intercourse. Condoms are also an important second method of protection against pregnancy if you miss more than one birth control pill, especially during the first month of pills (to be extra safe), when you are taking other medications that change the effectiveness of the Pill, or when you are sick with diarrhea or vomiting. Anytime you get a new medication, ask your health care provider if it changes the effectiveness of the birth control pill.

Do I need to take a break from the Pill?

There is no medical reason that you need to take a “break” from the Pill.

Will I have trouble getting pregnant after using the birth control pill?

There is no change in fertility with the use of birth control pills. However, if your periods were irregular before you started taking the Pill, it’s likely that your periods will be irregular again when you stop taking it.

Does the birth control pill cause birth defects?

No, the Pill does not cause birth defects nor does it affect the health of future children.

Does the birth control pill cause cancer?

No. The Pill actually protects against cancer of the ovaries and cancer of the lining of the uterus. A woman is half as likely to get cancer of the uterus or ovaries if she takes the Pill. Most experts believe that taking oral contraceptive pills does not cause an increased risk of developing breast cancer. Even girls with a family history of breast cancer can take the Pill.

 Users of the Pill have been shown to have increased risk of cervical cancer (the cervix is the lower part of the uterus), as compared to nonusers, but cervical cancer is caused by the HPV virus, so get the HPV vaccine and use condoms. Smoking increases the risk for cervical cancer, so quit smoking (or don’t start) to keep your body healthy.

Can I smoke if I’m taking the Pill?

For lots of reasons, it’s much better to not smoke. By quitting smoking (or never starting), you lower your risks on the Pill. Smoking increases your risk for heart disease, blood clots, and stroke. The more you smoke and the older you are, the higher the risk.

Do birth control pills protect against STIs?

Birth control pills don’t protect you from sexually transmitted infections. Condoms help to prevent most sexually transmitted infections.

What if I forget to take my birth control pill(s) and I’m sexually active?

Talk to your health care provider. Emergency contraception is generally recommended if you’ve had unprotected intercourse during the time you have missed your birth control pills. In the United States, women of all ages can buy Plan B One-Step™ without a prescription.

 If you’re 17 or older, you can buy Next Choice® without a prescription. Ella™ is a newer emergency contraceptive, however, a prescription is needed to get it.

Does it mean I’m pregnant if I don’t get my menstrual period while I’m on the Pill?

Not usually. At times, you may not get your menstrual period while using birth control pills. This can be normal. If you miss one menstrual period and you have not missed any pills, everything is probably fine. Just start a new pack of pills at the usual time. But if you are concerned, or skip 2 periods in a row, you’re still probably fine, but check with your health care provider and get a pregnancy test. If you miss any pills and miss your period, keep taking your pills, but see your health care provider for a pregnancy test.

Should I tell my friends that I’m taking birth control pills?

It depends. You may or may not want to tell your friends that you are taking birth control pills. Even if you’re taking birth control pills as hormonal treatment for a medical condition, someone hearing that you are taking “the Pill” may assume it’s because you are having sex. However, you may want to share with your friends so they can help you with ideas on how to avoid missing pills. Just think about what’s best for you.

How do I talk to my parents about taking the Pill?

If you decide to tell your parent(s) that you are taking birth control pills, you’ll want to put some thought into how to tell them. They may assume you are sexually active which may cause them to ask you questions that might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, at the same time it’s a good idea to have a calm and open conversation as they can be a good resource for you if you have any questions or concerns about the Pill. Talk about the benefits of the Pill as well as their concerns. If your parent(s) or guardian(s) have questions, tell them about our parent’s guide to birth control pills.

Where can I get birth control pills?

Girls may take birth control pills for bad cramps, irregular periods, and contraception. You can get a prescription for birth control pills from your health care provider. Your health care provider will check your blood pressure and weight, ask you about your medical history and your family’s medical history, and ask whether you smoke and if you use condoms.

 If you don’t have any medical issues that would make taking birth control pills a problem, your health care provider will probably write you a prescription right then. You can buy birth control pills at a pharmacy or by mail order depending on your insurance plan.

 Your birth control pill should be free in almost all circumstances if you have health insurance. It’s normal to have a follow-up visit after you have been on the Pill for 3 months to check your weight and blood pressure. Make sure that you make an appointment long before you run out of pills so you never miss any.

Have you heard that if you have intercourse during your menstrual period, you won’t get pregnant?

This isn’t true. If you have a long menstrual period and a short cycle, you can still be ovulating at the end of your menstrual period. Some women have a small amount of bleeding during ovulation and may mistake it for a menstrual period. This means that you can still get pregnant during your period.

Have you heard that if you stand up immediately after having sex, you won’t get pregnant?

This is definitely not true! Standing, sitting, lying down—no physical position can prevent pregnancy.

Have you heard that the first time you have sex, you can’t get pregnant?

Not true! No matter when or how many times you have sex, you still run the risk of getting pregnant.


source:  http://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/07/25/birth-control-pill-faqs/

6 Ways to Handle a Defiant Teen (Without Yelling)

If you’ve got tweens and teens in your life, you’ve most likely been the recipient of backtalk or other defiant actions.  Mighty Mommy is a parent to 6 teens, so here are 6 ways that you can respond positively to your defiant teen and keep the peace at home.

Remember when you first looked lovingly into your sweet baby’s eyes? When his newborn coos could melt your heart in an instant?

And now, 15 years later, as you try to stay patient through his attitude and smug, hurtful remarks - are you left wondering what the heck happened?

If you’ve got tweens and teens in your life, you’ve most likely been the recipient of backtalk or other defiant actions.  Unfortunately, this type of behavior is the norm of the teen parenting package. But don't despair! Positive change can happen in your family if you’re willing to invest some time dealing with it. .



For parents, the key is to handle that nasty and exasperating behavior in a way that calmly and consistently shows your child that you are in control and that you will not tolerate it.  Mighty Mommy has 6 teens in her life right now, so here are 6 ways that you can respond positively to your defiant teen and keep the peace at home:

Tip #1:  Never Assume the Reason Behind a Teen's Bad Behavior

Your child’s defiant behavior is actually the symptom of the actual problem. Don’t guess or assume that your child is acting out based on what you see.  If your son is belligerent towards you when he returns from school, it might not be that he hates algebra and is taking it out on you. Maybe he’s finding it hard to make friends and is feeling like an outcast.  That doesn’t excuse his poor behavior, but when he’s in the comfort of his own home, he can let his guard down and therefore targets his frustration toward those closest to him, usually his parents and siblings.

Try tracking your child’s behavior for a short period of time and notice what situations or feelings seem to trigger the aggression or defiant outbursts.  If you notice a pattern where he’s unloading his anger every day when he comes home from school, once he calms down later that evening ask him if you can talk about what you’ve noticed.  “Hey, it’s pretty obvious that when you get home from school you’re miserable and you’re taking it out on Dad and me. What's up? How can we help you?”  He may completely ignore your attempt, but if you start from a place of trying to understand what’s going on, you’re letting him know that you care and that you want to help him - rather than just casting blame.

Tip #2:  Connect With Your Teen Often

This tip may sound like a no brainer but it’s actually quite simple—kids want to know that they rate in our busy lives.  We all get caught up in the grind of work, running a household, trying to keep on top of finances and bills, and when it comes to family life with our older kids we tend to let things slide. We don't enforce sharing family meals together on a regular basis, we don't hang out after dinner and chat about what’s going on in their social world, with their sports’ teams, or any other aspects of their daily lives. 

Maybe it’s because when we do try to engage them, they blow us off with a sigh or a sarcastic eye roll. But it’s important to keep trying so that they’ll see you’re making a heartfelt effort.  Many times kids will act out when they feel they’re being ignored.  Look for opportunities throughout your busy day and week to connect with them on a consistent basis.  By doing so, you’re sending her an important message—you are important to me!

Tip #3:  Involve Your Kids in Problem Solving

My oldest son, now 19, went through a couple of very difficult years (ages 11 – 13) where he was completely negative about nearly every aspect of his life.  Not only was he doom and gloom, he had a quick temper and nearly anything we asked of him would result in a verbal attack.  We tried analyzing a pattern, took every opportunity we could to engage him when he was home, offered to let him see a therapist if he thought that would help, reached out to his closest friends to see if they knew what was going on, yet we continually fell short.

Finally, after a visit with our pediatrician we had a breakthrough.  During her routine questions at the beginning of the check-up, the doctor asked him what subjects he liked best at school.  He told her he liked science the best because it was the one subject where he wasn’t the dumbest kid in the class.  She shared this with us privately.  My son had learning difficulties and an IEP (Individual Education Plan) for most of his school life, but he always made an effort during school (completely hiding his negativity while there) because he didn’t want anyone to know how bothered he was that he learned differently from his peers. 

Although we got to the root of the problem, the negative outbursts continued for several months after, so we decided to focus on a solution rather than the problem.  We asked him how he could better control his behavior because it was draining not only us, but ultimately him as well.  He thought about for a couple of weeks and then asked if he could work with a tutor twice a week outside of the house and for us to stop micro-managing his school assignments.  Overall, he was still a C+ student, but once we backed off and gave him his breathing room, he started to relax, got involved with school sports, and his defiant behaviors went from 90% to less than 10%.  Hes in college now and doing great!

Tip #4:  Be Compassionate, Not Forceful

No one likes to be told what to do.  And yet research shows that the average parent gives dozens of orders every day, most in a negative tone. If your child is continually challenging you, consider how you can help him or her tackle more responsibility, instead of making him or her feel bossed around. 

Some suggestions on how you can confront bad behavior with compassion rather than force are:

Stop, drop (everything else), and breathe.  Since your buttons are pushed, you need to get calm before you address the defiance.

Reinforce your expectation about the standard of respect in your family:  "You know we don't speak to each other that way in this house."

Give your child a chance to correct himself while you reopen communication: "I know you didn't mean to be disrespectful.  I do want to hear what you have to say. Can we try a do-over?"

Stay compassionate. Say "Ouch!  That was pretty rude...You must really be angry to speak to me that way. I try to always speak respectfully to you. What's going on?"

Listen to your child patiently: "Oh GOD This is SO Boring. Please Kill Me, I see. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that was happening. Thanks for telling me."  Remain calm and listen. You need to give the teenager the chance to vent all those pent-up feelings that cause them to feel disconnected and angry.



Tip #5:  Reduce Environmental Stressors

It’s not uncommon for a child to act out due to things outside his control in his home environment.  These stresses could be overt, such as marital fighting or physical or mental health problems of the parents or primary caregivers. Or they could be more subtle such as the child’s exposure to too much TV, a poor diet, or aggressive music and video games. Family instability, including economic stress, parental illness, harshly punitive behaviors, inconsistent parenting practices, multiple moves, and divorce may also contribute to the development of oppositional and defiant behaviors.

Take inventory of these outside influences and try and reduce and eliminate as many negative influences on your child as possible, while promoting a more healthful lifestyle for the whole family.  That doesn't mean you have to be a pushover, however.  Children, even teens, crave structure and boundaries so choose consequences that hold some impact, such as restricted access to electronic devices, and don't waiver and give second chances.  Demonstrating firm and consistent parenting is one of the average gifts you can give to your child.



Tip #6:  Reinforce Compliant Behaviors

One of my absolute favorite parenting strategies is to build on the positive—and do so frequently when it is deserved.  The more positive attention a teen gets for being compliant, the less negative attention he'll look for by being defiant.  So in other words, get into the habit of consistently catching your child doing something good.  If your teen offers to give his younger sister a few bucks for treats when she’s at the movies, let him know how much you appreciate it.  “Hey Jake, I think it’s great that you let Amanda have money for popcorn at the movies—I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.  She’s lucky to have you as her brother.”  

One of our most important jobs is to show teens appropriate, healthy ways to behave as we give them some problem-solving tools to deal with stresses and frustration. A defiant child can certainly test every ounce of parenting patience we have, but if we remain calm, loving and act consistently, these negative behaviors can be turned into positive ones.  Happy parenting everyone!


source: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/tweens-teens/6-ways-to-handle-a-defiant-teen-without-yelling?